those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
