I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
