I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
