Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
