That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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