I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize