My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
