I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
