I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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