I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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