well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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