You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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