brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
