i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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