dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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