Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
