I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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