I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
