it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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