You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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