i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
