i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
