I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
