so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
