a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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