This is not my ceiling
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
