I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
