I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
