New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
