My nipple is on Facebook.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you never un-have a 4some
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
