sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
