So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
