Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
