I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
