Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
