I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
