it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
