They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
