Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize