if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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