I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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