i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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