i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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