This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
