Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
