I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
