I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
