he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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