whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
