You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
