Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
