I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
