I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
