She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
