oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
