Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
