i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
