6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't notice because vodka
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
