Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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