theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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