I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
