WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
