I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
