pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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