would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
