we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize