yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
