I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
honey bunches of taint.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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