That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
