grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
