So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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