He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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