I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
