I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
