After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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