I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
