Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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