i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
