why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
