Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
