i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
