Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
