will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
