So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
