it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
