laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm like, not good at living.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
