he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
