I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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