Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
