You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
